Confused

            It's dark again. Another day is gone. It was a sunny day, but it's not always sunny. Not here. I don't know why I feel confused. As if I am in a dead spot. I don't know where my life is heading or what tomorrow will bring. I'm still not over it. I still remember things that other people forgot. Those memories will always be there and maybe I shouldn't live in the past and I shouldn't be always scared of what might happen, but no one really knows how my life was. People judge the way we look, because that's what people do. I feel so vulnerable sometimes, only I know how I really feel. I wish I could leave everything behind and someone did tell me I should stop wishing for things and start working for getting them. But it's not that easy when I have so many insecurities.

Random poem #17

I find it hard to smile

When the world looks grey

If you were here to see,

What my eyes look like,

When the night falls on me.

The power of an untold secret,

A smile in a frozen picture,

The sun who shines on me,

And the strenght that makes us we.

Random poem #16

Do you see what I see,

When I close my eyes?

Taking a step back now,

And enjoying the moment.

Felling the eternity for you,

Smiling for the stranger

That is looking back at you.

Forever waiting for a sign,

Never receiving the real prize.

Forgive mistakes that are yours,

And believe in a better tomorrow.

With hope that dreams do come true.

For the stranger who is looking

Back at you.

Ramble in my head

          What if my life will end today? Right in this moment? Will I have any regrets? I thought about this last morning. I know it sounds weird. But  I also know that death is unavoidable. I know that. I know how much it hurts to see someone die. Maybe my old wounds are opened, or maybe my wounds were not closed yet. I feel so often that I need to be alone and think about my life, but I know I overthink things and it hurts to think over and over again of past days. If you are reading this, probably you don't understand who I am or the life I have. I am sure you will never ge to know me, I am just a name in thousands of names you are going to know in this life, it's okay. It's okay..

The power of a simple look

         You know the saying that a picture is worth a thousand words? But how much does a moving image is worthed? Even if is taken by a camera that is miles away from here, I can still see that serious look and how much it means to me, only I know. Because when you stare it makes me want to stare. How can you be there, but to look at me with those eyes and make me want to be there with you? You don't have to say anything, you only need to look at me and I will understand. I will understand everything. because we are not twins, but we are connected by something. Maybe it was meant to be..

Random poem #15

I love to see live

I love to see you red

I love to see you cry

And I love to see your

Smile.

More than one word

"So close no matter how far you know I always love you."

Calmness in my heart

                 It’s so quiet around me tonight. I can’t hear any noise. I like that. It feels good to be surrounded by peace and quiet. I can finally breath and write. It’s a challenge to try to write everyday on this blog. First of all you always need to have something to talk about and second of all, you need words. But sometimes all he have is words. I feel like I have something to say and I want to use my voice and my words to do that. There were too many times when I kept quiet what I wanted to say and I believe it’s time to let go and write what I want. 

I know you are reading this

          How can I hurt someone, even if that person is far away from here? I don't want to do that, but distance is hurting us both. We will never understand each other completely, because we don't talk the same language. I am sure you don't even understand me sometimes. We didn't grow up in the same culture and somehow our lives brought us together. We talk everyday, because the only thing we have right now is words. I am afraid of many things. I am afraid of life. That's why I always wish for things, because I don't have the courage to go and take them. I'm scared that someone will hurt me, that's why I am alone. I respect you when you say you want to be alone, because I like to be alone and think about things too. I'm sorry...

A step closer to death

               Why do some people feel like if a person has only a few days of life, they should do everything they want to do, eat everything they wanted, but never had the opportunity to eat? Well, let me tell you something, you don’t need those things, because in the end you don’t need to have a full stomach when you die, you need to be in peace with yourself and the people you let behind. At least, this is how I see life and death. 

Difficult times # 8

"With every single step I feel more and more desperate, I wish all could end here. It’s been a long journey and we are all tired and nothing can change things into better. I never thought that this is the end and that this is the way it ends, but God have mercy on all of us. I know there is a saying that says that God doesn’t give someone a bigger cross that someone can carry, but God this is so heavy and so hard to keep on our backs." 

Difficult times # 7

"I want to go do a deserted island and scream as loud as I can until I lose my voice, because what’s the point in having a voice if I don’t have the courage to use it."

"I believe that when I will finally have the courage to scream it will be to late, and then my voice won’t help me."

"I guess love isn’t for me, I am just witness at other people happiness, maybe my destiny is to get old alone, without another half."

" I wish my life would have been different, I wish I could live in another country and have the courage to live my life, but I don’t ."

 

An open book

             I feel like I am walking with my chest open. I don't know why I feel that my heart is exposed, I'm so vulnerable. Maybe that's why I walk so fast on the street, I don't like when people approach me, because they might find out  who I am. I like to build walls around me, because it makes me feel safe. I am never in danger by doing that.  I sometimes feel that my walls are building without any help. They know when it's time. I always liked to be the tough girl, that always won, I am a fighter in my own way. I am a fighter that tries to find its own path in life.

Difficult times # 6

"I feel so much anger towards my life, I wish I had another one, I wish right now I was happy in another place, not here. I feel so many things, I think about so many things, I wish I had a genie that could take all this away and never feel so sad ever again, because if God sent us here to be happy, why does he put in our way so many obstacles ?"

"I want to hear my heart beats again, I want to feel that I am breathing and that I am alive, I do not know when I will feel it again, I feel so numb and tired, life hits me so hard, and these hits will leave scars."

" Days go by and the pain still doesn’t go away, how can I heal myself from this, how can I live and be happy again? I need someone to tell me life is not over yet, there are still a lot of things to see and many things to feel, I am still here I need to breath fresh air from another place."

 

Forget me

        You will read these lines and you'll forget about them. I won't change your life, because you don't trust strangers. It's okay, I don't trust strangers neither.It's funny how separate words don't mean anything, but if you arrange them in a certain order it transforms in something beautiful. What will my wisdom words be for today? Life is beautiful? I already said that a few times. I'm sure that when life is hitting you, you don't think that life is beautiful, but there are many sides of the situation...

Do you believe in Destiny?

                How many times have you asked yourself if everything happens for a reason? I stopped asking myself, because I feel that it does. I wondered so many times how can two people that were raised in different cultures and had different lives can meet? What in the Universe makes two people meet in the same exact moment? Destiny. I learned in the past months that every person you meet during your life will change the course of your life. 

Random poem # 14

The power of a broken smile,

The silence of it flying by.

A falling star in front of me,

I wish I could feel and see.

The past and present meet again,

A second saved in time for them..

Random thoughts

                Will I regret something when everything will end? I hope I won't. I don't want to think that I did things that I never wanted to do, or that I made the wrong decisions in life. Who knows how long my life will be? I hope that my heart will choose what's best for me and that everyday will bring a smile to my face. I know that life has good parts and bad parts, I know some of the bad parts of life. I hope that life will slowly teach me what her good parts are.