Uncertainty

I don't know how I feel right now, so I will begin writing and see what happens in the end. When I was in high school I thought to myself that I will never regret things or the way I am. But I was so wrong. I thought I will be the same person, doing the same things everyday and never complaining, because the most important part of my life is that I have a family. You know that things change, don't you? And they did. Last year was the worst year of my life, filled with anger and sadness, last year changed everything. 2011 was for me the year that changed my life, or better said it opened my eyes to another part of life. Appreciating health and family, knowing that life does have an end, seeing how a person can become weaker and finally die. Everything, absolutely everything makes me think once again if the life I have right now is making me happy. Probably not, but at least I am healthy.
I always thought that I was meant to be an important person and maybe change other people's lives. I am still young and I know that without hard work I won't be able to do more in life.
I dream. I dream of traveling and seeing places that I only heard of, but a traveler's life is unstable, and I need stability. I need to know that every step I make is to build something, to build something that is visible. I don't know where tomorrow will find me or if tomorrow will find me here. The future is like a blank page, thin, but sharp and dangerous,  empty, but ready to be filled with memories. And when that blank page won't be blank anymore, I want to know that I will look back and smile.

Randomness

I hope you will wake up today, and see that in the world is more than a sky, there are many people who are eager to say "hi" to you, but you don't notice them. Maybe I am in the same situation as you, just walking on the street, ignoring everyone around me and walking faster and faster, using as an excuse the fact that I don't want to waste my time, but everyday goes exactly like that, so I guess that means I am wasting my time. And the funny thing is I know every day is unique and special and that it never comes back, but I just can't start working on leaving a print behind. I am just me and my thoughts that keep repeating, and sometimes a friend comes and listens, until he starts talking and we change the topic. There are so many things in this world and I didn't  even see 1 % of what's around me. Maybe I am afraid of living and there are so many "what if" questions that come up, so many fears, but the time is passing with every second and with a blink of an eye I will realize that a year has passed and then another year until there will be no time to repair mistakes or make dreams come true. And I will become that old mysterious woman, that no one knows nothing about, because she was too shy to talk to people. I am just thinking over and over again about where I will be in 5 years from now, but only I can decide the course of my life.