My random day

                I am so tired right now. It was a very long day and I can't believe it's almost over. I wish it was easier, because I spent it with my family, but it wasn't. I am glad that I visited my grandparents today, there are the only grandparents I have now. The countryside is beautiful, but today was very cold.At one point I felt that my eyes were slowly closing, and I couldn't do anything about it. I can't wait do go to bed....

Random poem # 13

How can a picture be worth a thousand words,

When my picture is talking another language?

You can only see black and white because,

I have only written my life in colours and dots

A image shows you the way I look outside

But you know how my heart really is, don't you?

The day before tomorrow

                 
              I wonder what tomorow hides. A bright sun or a rainy day. Beneath all of our memories there is a day that helped us make that memory. Today we think on how yesterday was. In a split of a second yesterday becomes our present and today will soon become our future. In the memory of our memories we should appreciate life and all of her wonders.

Random poem # 12

My eyes are slowly closing,

I feel my head so light,

The silence makes me dizzy,

I hope I am still alive.

My shadow is not moving,

My pillow feels so soft,

The night is still refusing,

To leave it to the light.

I "broken heart" you

          It's nice when you finally feel that life is smiling at you. Only three words and it makes you feel like better things will come. I hope it's not an illusion, a wave that comes and goes. A heart that beats next to yours, but it's also far away from you makes you realize how beautiful life is. I decided to take every day as it comes, I don't know what will happen tomorrow, so I try to enjoy today. I'm young and my heart is also young. Life is beautiful and I hope that I won't have any regrets before I leave it. People will come and go in my life, because it's just the way things are. I guess time will tell what I am feeling and what I am thinking of. Today, tomorrow and all the other days will show me the way.

Death

Death comes quick and leaves even quicker, we are not meant to live forever. The lost of a loved one hurts, it makes you feel hopeless, there is nothing you can do to stop death from taking a family member or a friend, it just happens. For me death brought calm and it made me feel sad, but not too desperate. When you have time to get used to the idea it’s easier to deal with it. The lost of a loved one is felt even after a long time. I know I feel that something is missing in my life. Death leaves a hole in the heart, maybe time will fill it...

Difficult times # 5

           " Lately I felt more and  more that I want to give up or change things in my life. I would like to talk to someone, but I feel like I don’t want to add a new problem to someone else’s life."

" I wish I had someone to talk to, instead of writing, someone that can understand me and give me advice, I could turn to my family, but I guess they have enough problems right  now ."

" I want to cry, and I hardly stop myself from exploding, life is tough and it hits you from everywhere, it stops hitting you when you will know how to defend yourself and fight back."

"I will take my life day by day, and pray that one day I will be happy. I know that day will come, because that’s why we are born, to be happy. "

P.S.: You are not the only one that has bad days, but tomorrow the sun will shine.

From future to the past

              I started writing these pages after I discovered a site that sends past letters into the future. I thought about this genius idea and I thought that I can write my own letters to myself without the need to be sent by someone else. One day I will come back to these lines and I will remember things that I had forgotten., memories and words I said a long time ago.See you then...

Random poem # 11

How can we be the same,

But also very far?

Friendship, but nothing,

Alone, but together.

I guess the time will tell,

How walls will fall or built,

How storms will come or go.

When days feel like months,

And hours feel like seconds,

Who knows what tomorrow brings?

Or how the weather will be,

After you'll start singing to me.

Alone with my problems

There are days when I feel very confused about life and people, but other days make me feel like my future is going to be bright. I always looked for a sign in everything I did. I hoped for more and I've always been disappointed. Sometimes I feel like I can't trust my own family, I hope for peace and "happy thoughts". Problems always come when you least expect and I always had to take care of them all by myself.Things are more complicated than you might think, or at least that's how I see them. I care too much about people and they don't care about me, or maybe they do, but they don't know how to show it.

Wounds that never heal

Almost 3 months have passed since I lost my grandma. Even thinking of her hurts. I can't help but wonder if she is okay. I have tears in my eyes as I write these lines. It hurts to see the bed empty, even if she was sick, she was there. Maybe it's selfish from me to say that, but she is not there anymore and I wish she was. I read somewhere that grief has 7 stages. I really don't know what stage I am in, but it hurts.

Random poem # 10

A heart that beats,

A smile that breaks,

A reason to forgive,

A memory to hold on,

A pear of eyes to see,

And a person to love.

8 years

8 years have passed since my grandpa died. I can’t believe how fast time goes. I still remember that day as if it was yesterday. I don’t know if you believe in premonitions, but one day before he died I felt that something is wrong. I’m sorry because I didn’t have the opportunity to say goodbye to him. He is my hero, he was a teacher and I was pretty young when he passed away. I didn’t understand Death and I am not sure if I understand it now. When I woke up this morning, I started to cry and I didn't know why.I remembered later what day it was. It's funny how the heart remembers before the brain does. 

Random poem # 8

I have reached a point,

Where I need to breath.

I need a break to rest,

I need a should to cry on.

I have reached the time,

When I have to pray .

A minute of peace,

A second to smile,

An hour to say goodbye.

Do I have something to say?

I believe that everything happens for a reason and I know that God never gives something that a person can’t handle, but I often ask myself “why did He think I deserve this?”, but we all ask that, don’t we? There are so many things happening around us everyday. Some of us see what is happening and react and some are ignorant.While we may not be able to control all that happens to us, we can control what happens inside of us. When you are asleep, another part of the world is awake. When you wake up, someone goes to sleep. We never seem to coordinate, but someone is always awake somewhere..

Future

I know I will not always be with my family. One day I will need to move on and make my own life. But I don’t know what kind of steps should I make. It’s sad to think that I grew up, I am not a child anymore and I will never go back to those days. Back then I didn’t have any worries, I was happy to play and waste time. Now it’s harder to live each day, new problems and new chances come. No one knows what tomorrow will bring and maybe it’s better this way.

Live

Another day has passed. Time goes too fast, I wish I could take a jar and conserve a few hours in it. I can't believe that almost 21 years have passed since I was born. So many things happened in those 20 years, so many dreams and memories. Tomorrow will pass with a blink of an eye, and I can't do anything to stop that from happening. Regrets? I don't have many and I don't plan on having any in the near future. I care too much for other people and I believe it's time to care about myself more. I don't want to sound selfish, but time is passing and I don't know when my life is going to end. Just live...

Random poem # 7

I wish you were here,

To hold me and my fears, 

I wish you were near,

To whisper in my ear.

I wish I wasn't here,

I wish I was away,

To try to save your day.

Difficult times # 4

"I don’t want to write dates or days, because I don’t want to remember when this happened. A few days ago I felt like things were finally becoming normal and I discovered and realized that I only have one life to live and that I should live it exactly the way I want to. Today I feel down again, because I wish everything would end, for all of us, so much pain every day, I wish that nobody will ever see someone slowly die, especially if that person is part of your family. I wish that that pain could end for that person ."

Writing

Writing is sometimes difficult for me. I just don’t seem to find the words to say what I really mean, it’s difficult to express myself. Even if I maybe write about random things that go through my head I found out that by doing this I give freedom to my mind. I am trying to be the best at what I do, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t work as scheduled, but no matter what I do, I learn something. 

Random poem # 6

I left a tear on my pillow,

And when I woke up it was gone.

Today I am not crying anymore,

But sometimes I wonder where that tear went.

I feel tired

I think Spring Asthenia is kicking in, because lately I felt very tired . Like I said before, I love Spring and the season makes me smile, but I am so tired. I don't go to bed late and I wake up at a decent hour, but I feel exhausted. I was thinking I need to buy some vitamins, maybe they will help me feel more energetic. I can't wait for the weather to be warmer...

Random poem # 5

I believe in me,

 I believe in you,

I believe in angels,

And I know you do too.

Every face hides something

Every smile hides a tear, but they don’t know that. I enjoy life, because I have to. They don’t know how sad I feel or how desperate I feel sometimes. And they will never know. You always see what’s on the surface, but you are not curious to find out what hides inside. My heart will beat, until it will stop. It’s okay. I will be fine, with you or without you. Not even my famliy knows how I feel inside. I like to write and I like to think that someday, someone will read these lines. 

Random poem # 4

I have no problems on holding by breath,

Because I’m used with getting hurt.

Oxygen is not useful for me anymore.

I saw what you can do with me.

For me life is like a blank page,

It doesn’t matter if you destroy it,

Because it was only a white sheet of paper.

It wasn’t important for anyone.

And it won’t become after it’s gone.

Random poem # 3

Today is new for me,

Tomorrow, I don’t know.

If time is here no more,

You think that I should know?

Powerful voices overwhelm me,

A noise makes me curious,

You are the voice that makes noise,

In the ocean of emptiness.

Depressed people

I recently talked to someone who is depressed. I wasn't sure how to start the conversation with this person. I didn't want to touch a sensitive spot  and I was trying to be very careful. I felt sad when he told me that he has other health issues. I don't know if it was selfish for me to think that I am blessed to be where I am. It's hard for me to think that are so many people in his situation and many of them don't even have someone to talk too. I wish I could take all their worries away and tell them that everything will be alright, but I don't know if they will believe me.

Random poem # 2

I knew when you arrived

I felt when  you left

I remember how you talked

And I struggle to forget.

Sense of humor never dies

I always thought that people that had sense of humor were intelligent people. Also, you need to be smart to laugh when someone is making a good joke. I always joke, because I feel that a good joke makes the atmosphere more relaxed. I don't really know how often people understand my jokes, but I see them smiling.One day I tried to make my mom laugh.  My mom dyed her hair a while back. She asked me how do I think the color looks on her. I told her that the color makes her look younger with a week. Do you think she felt offended?

Random poem # 1

I hear your voice everytime is quiet,

I hear your breath everytime I listen,

I feel your sorrow everytime I feel it,

I feel your power everytime you use it.

"Martisor"

Every year on the 1st of March there is a tradition in my country. The tradition is that men give women a small gift called "martisor". Almost all these little gifts have 2 pieces of string braided together, a red one and a white one. I don't know how this custom started, but it's nice to feel appreciated by receiving this gift. It's just a way for men to show they respect and appreciation for women.


                                                                        The sun will shine brighter tomorrow.