23

It seems like every year that passes my birthday loses it's significance. I used to have such a good feeling on my birthday but nowadays I feel like it's just another day and I really can't enjoy it as I should. I need to find a new passion, something that makes me feel alive. Everything is boring in my life right now, I need something new. something that would make me feel like life is worth living.
It's not that I am not grateful for everything I received today, for me it feels like I don't really need those things and the world has become too materialistic, when in reality those kind of things don't matter, all that matters is to be healthy and with your family and I already have those 2 things, so I don't need anything else. People don't need much to live, but there are so many that don't even have that while other's are living in the lap of luxury and don't know what average is. So today was kind of disappointing for me. 

Not a good day..

What people say hurts me more than what they do, it always has been like this for me. I guess I am too sensitive and it just makes me wanna crawl somewhere and just cry. The world is tough, filled with mean people that are jealous and want to hit you while you are down, and, most of the times, they do get me, punch after punch, they make me feel like I don't want to live anymore. Life hasn't shown me too many moments that would make me explode with joy, and some say you just need to go out and live your life, well, I wish things were as easy as they say. Most often anxiety takes over and it makes me feel like people are looking at me, even if they aren't, as if I am a clown at the circus, where everyone stares and gossips. Sometimes is too much, it's like my brain is telling me, you need to act normal and get out of crowd, because everyone looks at you. I hate that feeling and that's why I don't go out at all, I am safer at home in my own environment, no one (or almost no one) can hurt me here.