A split second

       We are all equals in front of death, it doesn't matter if you are richer or poorer than me. A family member died today and it's one of these situations when it's hard to believe that it really happened, as if destiny took a turn and this wasn't supposed to happen but in a twisted weird way, it did, and it hurts and all you feel is emptiness and the heart feels weak. It's going to be hard to get used to the idea that I am not going to see or hear from this person ever again in this life, I am not going to be able to invite him one day when I will get married and he'll never meet my children or be apart of my life in the future. It stopped, life ended there for him, I am not going to hear his voice or hear him talk about his fun memories and he reminded me  so much of my grandpa. It think for me that's what hurts the most, he was so similar to my grandpa, it feels like I lost him for the second time. 
       I think when people die, we are all selfish, we cry and try to cope with the idea that they are gone, but the hardest thing is to let go, we are the ones who torture ourselves with guilt because we don't want to let go even if those people moved on, it's part of life and one day someone else is going to cry for us. They all say "it's going to get better with time and you will feel better", but the reality is it's always going to be a gap there, and no one else is going to fill that hole in our hearts, it's like an ugly scar that will hunt us forever, and that scar is called pain, that kind of pain that never heals with painkillers.