Leap day

           Today is a unique day. It only comes once at every four years. I would have loved to tell you that I did something special, but it was only a normal day for me. I thought about people who were born on this day and the way they celebrate their birthdays. I also thought about people who died on this day and the way they will be remembered. 


                                                                                                        Life is love.

To write or not to write ?

Since I was a little girl I wanted to write, I heard one day that if you wake up in the morning thinking at only one thing and the rest of the day you still think about your dream, that that’s the thing you should do. Well, that’s what I think about everyday, how I would like to write a book, or more books. The stories I already have are about life, love and everything in between. All these stories are in my head, but are so hard to write and think of every page. I am a perfectionist and if I know that I can’t write something perfect from the first line I quit. I need to work at that, but maybe I also need to grow up.

                                                                                             Life is love.

A piece of my soul

I feel that the pain is perforating my heart, it hurts so much, I  thought I was healed but the pain reminds of  fear and of those days. How can I be the same? Those days changed my life, I need something new in my life. I am desperate to find myself again. The pain is taking control of my life. The last weeks I have fallen asleep with tears in my eyes, when the night comes I finally feel I can let go. During the day I am myself but at night I let pain take control over me. Is she okay? I know it doesn’t hurt anymore, but is she alright?

                                                                                               Life is love. 

Synesthesia

Number 17 seems to follow me everywhere I go. Since I was in Middle School this number appeared to me in different forms. I consider it my lucky number, even if he never seemed to bring me anything, but I think it's too big of a "coincidence" to not rely on this number. As you already know I don't believe in coincidences, so maybe I will find out someday what's up with the number. I am also one of the people that don't consider number 13 unlucky. And now, that I opened the topic of numbers I will also talk about Synesthesia. Synesthesia is a condition that some people have. People that have this condition often atribute colors to letters or numbers. For example, a person that has this condition always thinks that numbers have personalities. The reason why I opened this topic is because I believe I have Synesthesia. Since I can remember I used to think of numbers and I always thought they all had a color. For me number 3 is green, 4 is blue, 7 is purple. I thought I was a weird child, but I recently found out that this has a name. I felt relieved that I am not the only one.


                                                                                                           Life is love.

Phobias

I have a fear of talking in public, I think it’s called glossophobia. I get anxious when I have an assignment and I need to talk. My heart beats faster and when I read or present something I read fast to get it over with. I don’t know how I could change this phobia or at least diminish the effect this has on me. It affects me even when I  talk to someone not in front of a group of people, but alone.  I hope I will improve, because it gets harder for me to talk.I am curious, do you have any phobias?

                                                                               Life is love.

True love ?

I don’t know if true love exists, but I think that there are people made for each other. I believe that your true love is a person that you never get tired of, someone who you can share your problems and worries with. I think that your other half is someone that you feel calmer with and you can relax in their presence. I don’t know, maybe I say all of these things because I am a hopeless romantic, or  wish things would be this way, or maybe because I never met someone like that. I am sure we all have a picture of how our other half would look like, we all imagine our Prince Charming and have a clear image of him. Well, we sometimes are disappointed if the person turns out to be different, but in the end all that matters is love.

                                                                                                 Life is love.

I don't think it's normal, but they do

I often find myself thinking of women around the world. There are so many cultures and religions in this world, so many of whom I don’t even know. I know that in this exact moment there are women who struggle with abuse from their husbands or boyfriends, there are also women who were born in a culture that doesn’t allow them rights, such as vote or education, things that where I come from are normal.  Because I was raised a certain way I don’t think that I can imagine myself in their situation. I would just go crazy. There are many women who are staying at home to raise their children, and have no independence from their husbands. I would like to think that I won’t be in their position, and if I will ever be there, I will make everything I can to get out and seek  help. 21^st century is the century of equality, or at least that’s how I like to think about it, and it’s about time for things to change.

                                                                                           Life is love. 

I love Spring

There is something about Spring that makes me smile. I can’t even explain the feeling I have when I think of Spring. I can sense that something magical is in the atmosphere, when the weather it’s getting warmer. I opened the window today and I could feel that the air was different. It’s been getting warmer and I enjoy it. The sky is clear and the snow is beginning to melt. It’s so nice to feel the nature change. I can’t wait for the Summer to come. I know that today's post will be shorter, but I just wanted to share with you what I feel regarding this new Season. I hope that from where you are, you can feel the warmth as well.

                                                                            Life is love.

Letter from a stranger you don't know

You have no idea how much you influenced my life. Maybe now you see how many things you did for me. I used to listen to you when I had a bad day and you always lightened my life. You didn’t know that I wasn’t the only one who you changed, there are many people you changed. It’s too bad that you only now see how much you did for us. You left behind a life and a big family. Your life was full of glitter. I used to stay in the darkness of my room, hear you and cry. Maybe it’s not too late to tell you how much I respected you and loved you. I know you are in a better place than I am, one day we will meet. You will already be there waiting for me. Thank you for everything you did for me, you will be missed, but not forgotten. I will always love you.

                                                                                            Life is love.

A random act of kindness

A few days ago someone knocked at the door of the apartment I live in. I instantly thought they were people asking for money and I thought that if I was right I would tell them I don’t have money to give because I am a student and I don’t work. I wasn’t lying if I told them that, but I do have some money from my parents for  my everyday expenses. So I opened the door and I changed my mind immediately. It was a girl that had the most innocent look on her face and yes, she was asking for money. I could tell that life treated her bad and in a way, I felt sorry for her. She told me that she sells packages with household products such as dish detergent and liquid soap. She also told me that the money she raises are for a Foundation who helps people.  And  too my surprise I said that I would buy one package from her. After  she left I realized that I should have given her more money because she asked for a small amount  for the products.  This was my random act of kindness for that day. It’s amazing how other people can change us and our opinions. Life is full of surprises.

                                                                                                  Life is love. 

Difficult times # 3

"My heart will break up soon, I am so sad and so depressed, why does it need to be this way, why can’t I be happy? These feelings make me so confused and sad, I am so disappointed of life, I wish things would be different, I’m afraid of losing one of the most important persons in my life. I would give years of my life if I could know how this is going to end. I know some things happen for a reason, but I don’t know the reason yet. I wish I had someone, besides  my family I could talk too, but I don’t. Why does life needs to hurt this much? When am I going to be happy? When will I smile until I get wrinkles? I hope that day will come soon and when that happens I hope I will have my other half with me to share the joy. "

                                                                                                 Life is love. 

Difficult times # 2

      

       " I am afraid of living my life, because I don’t know what others have to say about me, or maybe I won’t be successful, and we often look at others to see their dreams come true. Someday I will be that person that will smile when I am going to make it in this world. "

      " I have so many questions about my life and about my family, things that I would like to know, to be prepared and ready, but maybe I should know my future in the right moment. I am going to live expecting to cry and laugh at the right moment. "

      " Today is not the day for a new start for me, I have so many problems and so many thoughts that stop me from being happy. I know God sent us here to be happy, but I believe that I will be at the right moment, who knows, maybe tomorrow?"

   

      " I think I am ready to face bad news, exactly when you think things are getting better the lightening strikes. Life is so fragile and we need to be careful with it, it’s not like a wooden toy that you can throw and it doesn’t break, it’s so fragile that with only one touch you can end it."

                                                                                                        Life is love. 

Difficult times # 1

             I am keeping my promise and I will publish a paragraph with what I wrote at the beginning of July 2011:"The past weeks of my life were very hard to live, I thought about things at a very high spiritual level, I thought about death and life. The past weeks were eye-opening for me. I realized that life is very fragile and short, memories are meant to live forever and a bad thing never comes alone. There were days when I did not know what’s coming, I thought the next day will be the end, but it wasn’t. I am a young woman and I still don’t have the experience other have. There are so many things I would like to do, but I was born in a family with not so much money, I always knew what we could afford and I looked at others that have more possibilities and I wondered why I didn’t. I believe someone said once we make our own destiny and we control our future, but there are things that we can’t control. Maybe I need to see the full part of a glass and not the empty part, but disappointment is the thing I expect. I don’t want to be happy about something knowing that in the next moment I will feel sorry and sad, because something bad always happens."


                                                                                            Life is love. 


 

Intro

In this intro I will try to give an explanation for what I am going to publish the next 3 days. These next lines were written in a very difficult time of my life, when I didn’t know what to expect. One day, when I saw I was getting too depressed I opened a Word document and I began to write. My first language isn’t English and I don’t know why, but at that time I felt like I should write in English, maybe because I wanted to encrypt in a way those pages and if someday someone would find them I would deny ever written them. It’s hard to go back to those days and it’s hard to read what I wrote then, because I don’t want to remember that. Life isn’t supposed to be all happy and without worries. So, in the next days I will insert every day a paragraph from those pages, it will be hard for me, but I need to do that, maybe I will find closure.

                                                                                                Life is love. 

Coincidence?

There is no such thing as coincidence. Everything happens for a reason, I feel it.Everything. As I said before last year wasn’t the best year of my life, it definitely  changed a lot of things.But I know God is arranging things for us even if we are too busy to notice that. Sufferance brings you closer to God and it makes you see things and be more aware of what’s happening around you.When someone dies, we are all shocked, because it’s a reminder that we are human and that life has an end. The shock is only for a short time, because we forget about what happened. If you were close to death or had someone close to you die, you know it.I don’t know if I am explaining this clear enough, but pain has made me enjoy life more than I did before.I know it's weird to say that, but the reason I am saying that is because you learn to appreciate life and health when you are sick.So stop wasting time and start living. Every day of our lives is unique and it never returns, only in our memories.

                                                                                          Life is love.

Without inspiration

I want to write something inspirational today, but it’s hard to think of something right now. We’ll see what I come up with until the end of this post. I am a young woman with dreams, as I said before my dreams are mine and only mine, because I never thought of making them true. I believe that by making this blog I also made a step forward for my life and for other people’s lives. I don’t know where I will be in 10 years, I sometimes wish I could know. I visited my grandparents ( I now only have 2 grandparents alive) on Sunday and I saw them being so happy, they are married for over 50 years, and when I think of how many things they’ve been through, I can’t imagine myself being in their place, I guess that is called love. I don’t really know for how long I will have them with me and I try to enjoy the time I have now to learn from them as many things as I can. Okay then, I guess this is how today’s blog post will end, I am not quite sure if this was inspirational or not, but we don’t always do what we say, I leave at your attitude to judge if this was an interesting paragraph of my life.

                                                                                        Life is love.

Hello

I know you don’t live near me and I also know that we will never meet. It’s funny how life is, we both stay in front of a computer, I write and you read, you will forget about me and I will never know you ever existed. Because of that there is only one person that can change that, and that person is you. I don’t know who you are and I will never know if you don’t tell me. We are two strangers separated by words and in the same time united by them. So I will make the first step and I will say “Hi”. Now it’s your turn to say something.  I will wait until I hear from you.

                                                                                                      Life is love. 

I am so over you

I am always the girl that laughs at your jokes, even if the joke was meant for someone else to laugh, but you don’t  notice me. I never sit in the front, I always choose to sit in the back. I am good at blending with other people, because I am not used to stand out. You’ll never see me or hear me, unless you pay attention at what happens around you. We will never be together because I don’t have the courage to take the first step. I will maybe get older alone and without any friends. One day you will see me on the street and you’ll think that you know me, but you won’t figure it out from where. I will forget that I loved you and I will go on with my life. But you’ll never stop thinking of me, the girl you once saw on the street. You will struggle to find out who I was without any luck. You’ll finally remember, but the sad part will be that I already fallen in love with someone else, and you won’t have a chance with me. You’ll think what a dumb you were for not paying attention in the right moment, because things would have been different. When you’ll realize who I am you will picture me as being that nerdy girl that used to laugh at your jokes, I was the girl that smiled when you looked at her and you will remember that you always thought I was weird and you used to laugh at me. Those are the things I will never forget, how sad you made me feel everytime you did that, but I loved you anyways. I bloomed after I finished high-school, I am now a beautiful rose and I will never fade for any men from now on, because I learned my lesson, you taught me that, remember?

                                                                                  Life is love.

Shadow and light

I live like a shadow, because I am never noticed, but have you seen that sometimes when you walk the shadow is in front of you? I worry so much for other people’s problems, that I almost never have time to worry about my life. This year I will turn 21 (I can’t believe it). I won’t say that I can’t wait to turn 21 (because who likes knowing they are getting older?), I can’t stop time. People around me are getting older and I am not an exception. I look outside the window and I see how the day is turning into night, and later the night becomes day again, these are the days that pass as if they were never here. Time is going too fast and I can’t enjoy it. I don’t know what will happen tomorrow, and I am not sure if I want to know in advance. I wish tomorrow will be a sunny day with a clear sky, but you never know what could happen. It’s still dark outside.

                                                                                                        Life is love. 

I don't want to forget

I write about things I believe in and about my spiritual view on life. I got more religious after my grandma got sick. I went through a period when I didn’t know what to expect. There were days when I was feeling hopeless and there were some days when I felt I had faith. Maybe if those days weren’t consecutive I would have felt much better, but I never had a break. I am calmer now, even if almost every night I fall asleep with tears in my eyes.  I sometimes find myself staring at a wall and I look around me and I see that I am alone, and I ask myself what’s wrong. I miss my grandma and it feels good to say it, because before I didn’t dare it. When I saw my grandma becoming weaker an weaker I wanted to tell her that she shouldn’t be afraid of death. I wanted to kneel at her bed and tell her that, but I couldn’t do it. What would she have thought, that she was going to die? I wanted her to have faith, but in the same time I knew what the reality was and I didn’t want to lie to myself. It was God’s Will and I trust Him. My family went through a rough time and I never told them how heart-broken I was during those days. Writing is definitely helping me. I know that in this world there are people that went through more serious situations and that are still worrying about things, but I feel like what I went through made me see my life in a different perspective. It changed my life forever and I am glad I can finally see what really matters in life. You know what that is ? People around you, not you. Even if in the end what you do others will help you as well.

                                                                                                  Life is love. 

My school years

I sit I a small room and I write. I write about things I believe in or about things that go through my head. You never know what to expect with me. I always been like this. Since I was a little girl I liked to do small rebellious things. When I was in primary school and my teacher was giving us a dictation I used not to write was she was telling us, I was writing the same things she said but with other words. If you ask me now why I did that, well, I did that because it seemed like how I wrote was better than what she was saying. I remember one day she took my notebook and she saw that what I was writing was different, I don’t remember her reaction though. In middle school I went through a phase where I wanted to do things perfect and become a perfect person. Big mistake. I laugh when I remember how I was then, but these are the kind of memories I have. In high-school I was more quiet, I was at a different school and I didn’t know what to expect. I had new colleagues and different teachers. I didn’t like high-school . I thought it was like a nest full of snakes, you never knew who or when will it attack. Even if I felt that, I made a few friends that I will cherish for life. I miss high-school. I miss the Mathematics class, the Literature class, the Chemistry class and the Physics class.  If  I could go back to high-school I would definitely pay more attention at those classes. I am now at college, and so far I enjoy it. I like the fact that I am respected and I also like that my opinion matters. I now get to use what I learned during my school years, and I like that. 

                                                                                                Life is love.

Have patience with angry people

 You can make your life better one day at a time, one person at a time. Leave a good impression when you meet someone to make sure they are going to remember you. I know that on this Earth there are many bad people, people that are mean and loud, when I encounter a person like that I like to think that they are having a bad day, in a way I understand them. We all have problems, and many times we don't have someone close to talk too, so we shout to release the pressure that was growing inside. We need to give that person that is going through a situation like that the opportunity to say what it's on his mind, we need to listen, because who knows, someday we will need to be listened too.


                                                                                               Life is love.

You can learn something from everyone

My parents taught me many valuable things I can use in life. One of the things is respect. Respect for myself and also for others. If I look back now I don’t seem to remember any situations where I treated people without the respect they deserved. My education is also something I’ve inherited in a way from my parents, on the knowledge I already have I now try to put more information, I an attempt to enlarge my culture. I need to say that I am not the most intelligent person in the world, but I do know many things, things I read from books or on the Internet. Life teaches also things we don’t realize we can use, it teaches how to love and where to step not to get hurt. There are so many amazing stories in this world, all about people that survived, people that became famous, persons who found out their true meaning in life, people who met and fell in love. I would like to think that someday I will be one of those people.

                                                                                                Life is love.

 

I will make it happen

You need to find passion for the things you do. That flame that proves you once again that you were made to do that thing. I don’t know if I found it yet or if I will ever find it, but hope never dies.  Good days will come for me, I know it. I know this because there were too many rainy days in my life and I believe that is about time for things to change. If things won’t change alone I will help them change. I don’t know how everything is going to be from now on, I will obviously have rainy days, but I hope less than I already had. Spring is coming  and after that a warm Summer, so it won’t rain that much. Haha... Life is beautiful and I will find out all of her wonders.

                                                                                                      Life is love. 

Do you know what I am talking about?

I think I am slowly beginning to change the world. If you read these lines right now and you are thinking that I am right about what I write, maybe a piece of you has already changed.  I started writing this blog as a personal journal. When someone commented on one of my posts, I realized that if someone is taking a minute from their life to write me a message, I must be doing something right. But also when the first comment came I realized that from now on I don’t only write for myself, but for others too. And from now on I have to be careful not to disappoint someone, because I feel like people are more often disappointed than they smile.

                                                                                                       Life is love.

It doesn't solve anything

I hope that by writing I will inspire people to start doing what they really want in life. Many years ago I thought about the idea of never to regret anything that I do or that happens in my life. Sometimes I do look back and wish I could change things, but in the next second I remember that I can’t, and wishing doesn’t change anything, it only makes me feel insecure about the past and it makes me waste time. I don’t say that we shouldn’t look back at our lives, I say we should learn from the past mistakes and make sure we will teach others that regret doesn't solve problems, regret only torments you.

                                                                                           Life is love.

Wrong decisions

Have you ever found yourself in a situation when you had to choose what it’s right? I did, recently. I had a decision to make, and I know the decision I chose was not the right one, and even if I know that and I even if I can change that, I won’t do it. There are things and people that act wrong and because we are all human we judge them and in one way or another we find a way to punish them. I found myself in an unpredictable situation because someone else couldn’t make a decision, so that person concluded that she should pass the decision on my shoulders. I thought at what I should do, and I went back and forth, and finally made a call, a wrong one. Maybe I won’t change that because I am stubborn or I am influenced by others. I will use as an excuse the fact that we are all humans, and we make mistakes, but because we are humans we sometimes are mean to one another.

                                                                                               Life is love. 

Real friends

Open your hearts when you have a bad day. Find someone you can talk too. I often feel sad because I know I don’t have many friends, I know that in a way that was my choice. The friends I have are valuable and are my biggest treasure along with my family. I say that because I know that even if my friends can be counted using only one hand (well, less than 5 fingers) they will always be there for me, with an advice and they will never fail me. My friends are people I met many years ago, when I was only a little girl and because of knowing them for years I rely on them and I completely trust them. I acknowledge the fact that they will support me whenever I need support and I will do the same thing for them. Friendship is the best thing that was invented, it helps you in a way that you don’t even realize until you lose it.

                                                                                                 Life is love.

Rest in peace

Today I found myself reading my old blog posts, and I started to read them beginning with the newest one and finishing with the first post that I ever published. It was getting harder and harder to read as I was getting closer to the first posts. I started writing because on the 28^th of December I found out someone died. At that time I felt angry because the person that died was only 18 years old. He died on Christmas Day. It was shocking for me because I used to watch his YouTube videos and I just couldn’t believe he was gone. It was even harder for me to think at death because in the other room was my grandma. She was ill and  she was on a bed for over 6 months. Now I know she is better and she doesn’t feel the pain anymore. She is in a better place. Even if I said this so many times I want to repeat it over and over again, life is not guaranteed for no one, it doesn’t matter that you are a child, a grownup or an old person. Death doesn’t make a difference between someone who had a family, who was a parent, a brother from someone who was alone and didn’t had anyone. It’s hard to know that someone might leave you unexpected or expected, because it’s hard to separate from a person you cared about. 
          The toughest moment at my grandma’s funeral was when they put the casket in the hole. I felt that even if I tried to be strong for my family, when I saw them lowering the casket my whole world collapsed, because I knew that my grandma’s body was in that casket, a lifeless body. When you lose a family member it’s hard to deal with the fact that you will never see that person again, at least not on Earth. What I wanted to actually say it’s that you should start living your life and stop wasting time. This is the way I deal with my loss, by writing and I hope that if a person who lost someone recently is going to see this, you are not alone unless you want to be. 

                                                                                              Life is love.